Monthly Archives: December 2017

Therapeutic to talk

Over the past 18 years I have been out, I have come to realize a lot about myself, and how the cult affected me.

One of the most pertinent things I have found is that communicating with Ex members has had mixed results. Some do not care to even take your call, avoid you at the store when you run into them.  Most of these people are still “in the circle”… They keep the line attached like my mother did the first time she left.  There is many of these “halfsies”.

The people I was closest with of my age who left I have had the best times talking with.  It is difficult to discuss Kim without getting destructive ourselves though.

Talking to people who were a part of even something similar can be cathartic.

For years I’ve been talking to people who email my address that I started the Bullshido thread with.  I’ve got a variety of inquiries, one was very interesting, people whose family member was missing in Oregon, and they were curious if the group had a history of abduction.  I of course explained that was not my nor anyone who I had heard from’s expirience.

The point was that there was a place for people to freely speak and ask questions about the group. The more information that’s available about a group, the more transparent we can make the group by sharing our experience the more people can understand what they’re getting into before they commit their life to it.

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It’s OK to leave

Quick aside here.  I started writing this on February 19th, but I never finished. So I went back and finished it.

Sorry I have kind of taken a break from telling my own linear story of my time in Tae Yun Kim’s COL cult in Fremont. I was busy with work, and just haven’t had time. In addition it does take a lot out of you reliving these traumatic events in your brain. Since it is a long weekend I figure I’ll take the opportunity to get some original writing in.

I was twelve years old when I joined COL in summer 1995. I was unique among the COL kids in that I saw my dad at least every two weeks over the weekend.  At this point we all went to public school, so we got out on a daily basis. I also spent a lot of time at my dad’s. I was an only child, and my dad had kind of fallen apart when my mother and him divorced when I was 3. He went through a time when he even lived in a homeless shelter. I was lucky that he never had a drug or drinking issue once he and my mother broke up, but spending the weekend with my dad was always an interesting time.

He didn’t really believe in driving at the time, as he liked the idea of being off the grid. He also lived in the woods of the Santa Cruz Mountains. It was interesting, we would take the bus from San Jose, and then hike by foot several miles up the hill of wherever he lived at the time.  This was nothing new to me, since COL, but it gave me a lot of confidence in traveling on my own. I would leave COL and meet kids from school, as I got a little older.  I attribute a lot of this to the reason I desired to leave a lot earlier than some of my counterparts.

Because of all this, I really felt enabled to leave.

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