Trying to see the light
Posted by jacob
Trying to get my mom to “see the light” again was no easy task. She left in late 2002, we are now in late February 2003. About 30 days before she left at this point. She had just gone through her fasting, and deprivation program, had most likely just recently received her first paycheck since being back She wouldn’t talk to me on the phone about any of this, she just wouldn’t have it. My mom also believed that everything, her computer, phone, car, everything was bugged.
This is a series of Instant Messages over a 20 minute or so period. Everything is presented (sic) with spelling errors and all.
After I got over my anger about what happened, my mother leaving COL and Tae Yun Kim, and then going back, and the way she acted towards me.. I found resolve and put my focus on getting my mom out.
I knew I had to be honest and clear about my feelings with my mom. I knew that if I could bring back the feelings she had before she left the first time that she would again “see the light” and find her way out.
Mom: just wanted to thank you for coming up…it was great to see you
and it was great to be able to hold your son and spend time with him
Me: im glad u were able to
Mom: of course
Mom: Jacob, I’m feeling as though you’re purposely putting a barrier
between us…is there something wrong?
Me: Well, I’ll be honest, I don’t really want COL to be any
part of his life
Mom: why is that?
Me: You kinow my opinions
Mom: it hurts…that’s all…basically you’re saying that you don’t
approve of my friends or my life and you don’t want him a part of
that…is that true?
Me: Ualready know I didn’t. Remember I tried to help you get
the hell out of there, but u didn’t like the outside world
Me: Yes that is true
Me: not your friends
Me: its Grandmaster
Me: don’t trusr
Mom: ok, thank you…I love you, Bye…Mom
Me: OK? SO why are you saying bye? i thought this was a
Me: my thoughts on this topic should be no suprise.
Mom: it hurts, and I’m crying alot…I’m sorry, I love
Me: AS you shared a good ammount of them before grandmaster
changed your mind for you right before you moved here
Mom: Grandmaster never changed my mind….I didn’t belong living with
you…I changed my own mind…and Grandmaster allowed me to come
back…you’ve totally misunderstood
Mom: And I’m really sorry…I love you very much…and as I said when
I left I still very much intended to be a part of your life and your son’s
Mom: it really, really hurts
Yes I intend YOU to be as well
Me: I want you to be
Mom: but you’re setting limitations and I personally don’t think
that’s fair…but of course you have every right to do whatever you
want with your son.
Mom: I’m leaving the office now, so I’ll talk to you some other
time…I’m hurting right now…and probably shouldn’t talk anymore.
Me: I’m not.
Me: (setting limits)
Mom: I Love you…I love you all
Me: us too… i love you mom… talk to you later.
Mom: yes…you’re saying that you don’t want him to be near anyone in
COL and especially Grandmaster…well that is my life and I’m
sorry…I’ve chosen that
Me: Ok, well I’m sorry you did.
Me: u know my thoughts and opinions about grandmaster. she
is not someone I want having anything to do with my son
Mom: no one convinced me…I told you that before I even came down to
you…but when I was with you I really, really realized I wanted to
help you, but I definitely couldn’t live with you….I didn’t belong
in your life in that way. My life is here