PTSD

One thing I often shy away from is talking about the mental effects of Tae Yun Kim’s cult. It’s been almost 13 years since I’ve seen the lady. Yet I still have the side effects of our effed up relationship floating around in me.  Before I started blogging I would go weeks at a time where I didn’t think about my experiences in COL. It isn’t as though the effects of being in the cult weren’t present though.

There was always an unsaid presence between my mother and I. (sometimes it was even verbal) That if I spoke negatively about Kim to her, that my mother would have no choice but to disown me. The 4 years that I was out, that preceded my mother leaving were very hard.

Being that my mother had to report in to Kim what she was up to, something always seemed to come up when we were hanging out. How dare my mother spend more than an hour with me on my birthday.

I actually never really thought negatively about Kimmie it started to become apparent the things that were happening behind my back:

  • The COL kids (who were 16 and 18 respectively) were told when I was 16 that I lost my virginity and was going down a negative path.
  • That my child was going to be a negative energy center, implications, maybe even directly saying that he was evil, to my mother and other COL members.
  • Kimmie scolding my mother, in front on my grandmother..
  • My mother was told how to handle me and my energy at our wedding; She was told to wear a hot pink dress to our wedding… Upstaging the bride, which we all know is a big no-no at weddings.
  • I wasn’t allowed to hang out with my best friend or his sister. It was considered negative… It just wasn’t allowed.

These things were the last straw in me.  I had never really talked to anyone about Kim; Let alone negatively.

It wasn’t fair that despite trying to have a positive relationship with my mother that she was being steered to not. I started collecting my own opinion about Kimmie.  I did my own research. I knew who this woman was…  So I started planting seeds with my mom.

I realized that if I always made her happy, and never expressed my discontent with Kimmie that she wouldn’t ever get out.

When we went into COL only one person spoke up; My father. He even went to my grandparents, his ex-in-laws, and pleaded with them. My dad and his friend Dan were the only ones who spoke up. They told me what they thought, and it sat with me. My grandparents? They did like every successful cultmember’s parent do and sat by and watched… judged… had an opinion, but didn’t share it.

I guess what I am getting at here, as a message to the masses:

DON’T SIT BY WHILE YOUR CHILDREN, LOVED ONES, OR WHOEVER THEY ARE GET ABUSED. IF YOU THINK THEY ARE GETTING INVOLVED IN SOMETHING, SPEAK UP! TOO MANY KIDS AND FAMILIES ARE SUBJECTED TO THIS, BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE AFRAID TO ROCK THE BOAT. YOU HAVE TO SAY SOMETHING! SPEAK UP! GROW A PAIR!

If this is all you glean from reading my blog, I feel successful in this venture. I sit here with PTSD from the events that happened in the cult, and that followed up, especially getting my mom out.  I am forever broken. However that doesn’t mean I can’t get better, and this is part of that healing process. Making sure the word about this woman, who destroys families, to this day… to this MINUTE, is out there… That way when people join COL, or even Jung SuWon, they know who this person really is, underneath all of that makeup and plastic surgery.

The one thing everyone leaves COL with is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder… PTSD

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Posted on February 7, 2012, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

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