He can do… Final Chapter
This is the final in my mom’s series of posts. I really tried to express my feelings in the moment of what happened. I hope I did a good job of that. I’t been difficult going through this. I intentionally took a couple of day break, because I was getting overwhelmed by writing all of this. Please read ahead.
Ok…here’s the last leg of my journey away from TYK when I was finally able to leave.
Part 3 – The Last Straw
·Late March 2003 – at CDS (her skincare company)
Working on a Saturday on an education video for CDS. TYK had approved the usage of my mother as one of the people we would use for treatment during the education/training video. Three COL members were present (2 were instructors) as well as my mother. Throughout the hours of video taping and photo shooting, TYK would come in and out of her JSW office boasting how she was dealing with international business problems as she came and went. One of the instructors left at one point to run an errand for TYK. It was something I was supposed to do, but couldn’t leave the shooting, so he left to run the errand during the filming.
After he left, TYK came back to CDS and asked me if Before and After photos had been taken? I looked at the two COL people who were taking the photographs and video, hoping they would answer the question…but both were silent. TYK then proceeded to verbally whip me, berate, scold and demean me in front of my mother for approximately 30 minutes for not having made sure the photos were taken. The verbal abuse felt like it was endless. I sat quiet with my mother in front of me as I fought tears welling up in my eyes. I didn’t want my mother to see that this was affecting me at all. Over and over again, I was told, “how stupid I was”…”that we couldn’t do anything right without her standing right by our sides”….”I was useless”….etc. I read shock in my mother’s face and as she got up from the table to finally leave she looked at me and whispered that she wanted to see me tomorrow for dinner. I walked her out to her car and I assured her that everything was ok and I promised that I would come by for dinner tomorrow.
Up to this point my parents had never come around the dojang or my work place other than one testing within the first year I was there. My mother went home and told my father everything.
When the instructor returned from the errand, he took TYK home and then he returned to CDS in the evening. When he arrived back I was somber and didn’t want to speak. I’m sure he saw anger, shock and disappointment in my eyes and he started questioning me as to what was wrong. I told him it didn’t matter and that if I told him he wouldn’t believe me anyway. He walked me to a nearby restaurant to eat dinner and pleaded with me to talk. With strong conviction in my voice, I told him that he should ask TYK what happened as she knew exactly what she did. We walked back to CDS and I left for home much earlier than normal (near 9pm). I went straight to my room in the COL home to think through what I was going to say to my parents and how I was going to explain away this. How do I explain why my boss thought it was appropriate to yell at me with the intensity she did….and why was I putting up with it?
TYK suddenly entered the women’s COL home and yelled out my name, demanding that I come downstairs and talk to her. She sat in the living room with her personal doctor kneeled to one side of her and the instructor that I again reported and talked to on the other side. She asked me if anyone else was in the house. I answered no. I sat kneeled before her, looking down. I didn’t want to talk to her or look at her and my actions became very defiant towards her for the first time. She started yelling at me, saying that she had heard through the instructor that I felt that she had done something inappropriate when my mother was there. I went through the events as I experienced them, knowing that she would deny everything. And she did. She then continued to tell me I was a liar, a manipulator and more. At one point the COL person (CW) who had been taking photographs walked in the front door and TYK addressed her and asked her if she believed that she had endlessly, verbally disciplined me in front of my mother. CW started to agree that she had, but TYK interrupted her booming back, whether she really believed that. Suddenly CW back pedaled and down played it and said that actually we were all being disciplined and that it wasn’t anything out of the norm.
I told TYK that because of her actions, it had instigated my mother and father wanting to meet with me tomorrow and that my father had been told what transpired and that he was very angry and threatened to call the police and have them escort me out of here….so it was better if I just meet with them to settle the situation down.
The next evening, I met with my parents for dinner. It was the first time that I met with them uninterrupted by COL phone calls and pages requesting my presence. This was the first time I started openly discussing what was really going on, the control TYK had in my life and that this was the end, but that I may need their emotional and physical help as I had absolutely NOTHING to move forward with and TYK purposely designed it that way. My parents gave me their full support and told me that if I didn’t stay in constant contact with them and actually leave they WOULD be taking legal action.
I went back to TYK and told her that I had to leave. This was the end. No more good bye parties, no more sleepless nights talking, no more gifts….no more anything. I told her I was leaving the next day. She said again that she wanted the instructor to help me pack and use his car. I said NO, that I was doing it on my own and that I would rent a van. It took me a couple of days to make plans with my son to move down with him and get the van packed and then I left…..this time for good.
Before I left TYK requested that I come up and say goodbye before I left. The instructor was the only other person present. She briefly talked to me and then went back to her bedroom and came back with a full length faux fur coat as another gift. She then asked the instructor to give me a final hug and goodbye and then sent him to his bedroom. She continued to talk with me for a little while at her front door and then as I walked out across the circular driveway, she started to hysterically cry and wale. I didn’t turn back, I just got into my car and called the instructor to go downstairs and pull TYK back inside.
That was finally the end.
I’m by far not the only person who has stories to share that are similar and in some cases I know even far greater in disciplinary actions than this.
So I think it’s time for others to help in making others aware of the reality that still exists.
It hasn’t been easy, but we are happy to have her out, 9 years later.