Monthly Archives: February 2012

Perhaps I am wrong…

During my research, my time laying in bed at night processing the day, or even sharing drinks with another exer from the cult, I find myself reminiscing. Any one of us exers would be lying to say that our time in Kimmie’s cult was all bad.

Just today I was looking at the picture of an instructor, which they captioned something about how excited they were to be working on the Jung SuWon testing videos and finishing them up. It gave me the perspective I had when I joined COL,  momentarily.

Let me throw out an idea here..  You like working out… Training in martial arts.. being healthy.. photography and video are fun?  Wanna play with computers?? we have those too.  It’s really a compelling scenario for many. Imagine your hobby becoming your job?  You don’t really have any marketable skills but you suddenly have a “nice title” at a computer company, with engineer attached to it.

It’s important for me to remember the reason we joined.  Kim reported to be a master of the “life force”.. Ki Energy! How awesome is that? She can teach you how to have control over yourself from the inside out… Fight human desire with self discipline…

Looking back with my 20/20 hindsight I see the dark lining to the concepts of COL…You really think with all of this Ki Energy mastery, that it will enhance your art and music. What instead you find is that you’re working 13 hours a day… You feel like your life has purpose because you are working in relative unison to “spread grandmaster’s light.”

I was in for three and a half years, and it took me another 3 of being out to ever say one negative thing about Kimmie and this cult.

The people who are in genuinely enjoy themselves. They believe they are working towards a higher purpose. Once events happen to cast doubt, or frustration.. Things can change. I have been trying to pinpoint what it was for me. I was 15 and often feel that my adolescent hormonal desires led me out.. But there was a lot of things. The abuse that I witnessed; My traveling to a foreign country and gaining a perspective about my COL world; another boy being publicly berated over the possibility that he was not a heterosexual; every COL member being publicly berated over masturbation in COL class.

I look at events that happened and recognize small turning points in how I felt about Kim.

One interesting one was one time I stayed at my dad’s for the weekend. He worked cash jobs and had a wad of 50’s and 100’s in the bathroom. Knowing that my mom often didn’t have lunch money for me at school, I took it upon myself to take $50 from my father without asking.. For lunch… I was embarrassed to ask because I knew it would reflect poorly on Kim, who I held protectively.

My dad dropped me off at Lighthouse, and gave me a $50 bill and said it’s for me and whatever I need… I suspect he knew I took the first 50, and gave me the second knowing I was ashamed to have to steal from him. This event really stuck with me. I believe it eventually drove me out. The fact that I could not rely on my mother or Tae Yun Kim to provide me a meal.. But that I knew my dad could…

Like I started… perhaps I have it all wrong?  I think COLers are genuinely happy, until they’re not.. I don’t even think they could be diagnosed as depressed in COL, because of the high they exhibit.

Ignorance is bliss.

Advertisements

Trying to see the light

Trying to get my mom to “see the light” again was no easy task. She left in late 2002, we are now in late February 2003. About 30 days before she left at this point. She had just gone through her fasting, and deprivation program, had most likely just recently received her first paycheck since being back She wouldn’t talk to me on the phone about any of this, she just wouldn’t have it. My mom also believed that everything, her computer, phone, car, everything was bugged.

This is a series of Instant Messages over a 20 minute or so period. Everything is presented (sic) with spelling errors and all.

After I got over my anger about what happened, my mother leaving COL and Tae Yun Kim, and then going back, and the way she acted towards me.. I found resolve and put my focus on getting my mom out.

I knew I had to be honest and clear about my feelings with my mom. I knew that if I could bring back the feelings she had before she left the first time that she would again “see the light” and find her way out.

Mom: just wanted to thank you for coming up…it was great to see you
and it was great to be able to hold your son and spend time with him
Me: im glad u were able to
Mom: of course
Mom: Jacob, I’m feeling as though you’re purposely putting a barrier
between us…is there something wrong?
Me: Well, I’ll be honest, I don’t really want COL to be any
part of his life
Me: hello?
Mom: why is that?
Me: You kinow my opinions
Mom: it hurts…that’s all…basically you’re saying that you don’t
approve of my friends or my life and you don’t want him a part of
that…is that true?
Me: Ualready know I didn’t.  Remember I tried to help you get
the hell out of there, but u didn’t like the outside world
Me: Yes that is true
Me: Correction
Me: not your friends
Me: its Grandmaster
Me: don’t trusr
Mom: ok, thank you…I love you, Bye…Mom
Me: OK?  SO why are you saying bye? i thought this was a
discussion
Me: my thoughts on this topic should be no suprise.
Mom: it hurts, and I’m crying alot…I’m sorry, I love
you…goodnight
Me: AS you shared a good ammount of them before grandmaster
changed your mind for you right before you moved here
Me: ok.
Me: night
Mom: Grandmaster never changed my mind….I didn’t belong living with
you…I changed my own mind…and Grandmaster allowed me to come
back…you’ve totally misunderstood
Mom: And I’m really sorry…I love you very much…and as I said when
I left I still very much intended to be a part of your life and your son’s
too
Mom: it really, really hurts
Me:
Yes I intend YOU to be as well
Me: I want you to be
Mom: but you’re setting limitations and I personally don’t think
that’s fair…but of course you have every right to do whatever you
want with your son.
Mom: I’m leaving the office now, so I’ll talk to you some other
time…I’m hurting right now…and probably shouldn’t talk anymore.
Me: I’m not.
Me: (setting limits)
Mom: I Love you…I love you all
Me: us too… i love you mom… talk to you later.
Mom: yes…you’re saying that you don’t want him to be near anyone in
COL and especially Grandmaster…well that is my life and I’m
sorry…I’ve chosen that
Me: Ok, well I’m sorry you did.
Me: u know my thoughts and opinions about grandmaster.  she
is not someone I want having anything to do with my son
Mom: no one convinced me…I told you that before I even came down to
you…but when I was with you I really, really realized I wanted to
help you, but I definitely couldn’t live with you….I didn’t belong
in your life in that way.  My life is here

Looking for help

In February 2003 I started communicating with my family about the cult for the first time.  At this point in my leaving, I still called her grandmaster, reading how many times I say it is very obnoxious, so I apologize ahead of time.

The email to my grandma starts abruptly, as it was a follow up from a prior phone conversation. This is the first time I ever spoke to anyone in my family besides my mother or wife about the Tae Yun Kim’s group.

This is part 1 of 3 of some “getting my mom out” emails.

Also, just wanted to brief you and grandpa on why my
mom moved out and everything.  She had been in
miserable in Grandmaster’s cult (COL for short) since
about june 2001.  In June 2002, she started sharing
this with me that she desperately wanted to leave and
it was a bad situation and she didn’t know what to do.
I was seeing a counselor through work at the time too
who I talked with this about, she even gave me numbers
of sspecialists in the field of families and cults.
Even one night in July when Shannin and I stopped by
to see her, my mom left and took us out so she could
talk to us for a few.  Well during those first few
minutes Grandmaster called her, asked if I was there,
asked her to stop the car and step out so she could
talk to my mom (on the phone).  My mom was out of the
car for over an hour, crying because of the things,
which I am not sure to this day, what she said to my
mom.  My distrus for Ms. Kim became a near hate at
this point. Well finally my mom got the balls in
November to finally call it quits.  When I was staying
in san jose for training she cam by a lot of nights
and we went on the interent together and tried to find
her a job and what not.  She was very excited and
scared.  It was difficult.  I can’t imagine starting
my life over at 19 let alone 44, but it was a good
decision.  It is a very rough atmosphere in COL, with
lots of discouragment, sleep deprevation and what not.
You feel like unless you have grandmasters blessing
you wont be able to live.  It wasn’t until recently I
was really able to get out there and talk about my
expiriences.
Anyway back on track.  Ms. Kim had a “special program”
with my mom for 2 days before she left to come here,
and a special dinner with her COL boyfriend 4 days
before.  Special program means sleep deprivation in
COL terms.  And all the suddenly when my mom moved in
with me she brought her boyfriend to help her.  I was
shocked, and so was shannin.  My mom told me on her
first night that grand master had made her realize the
only reason that she was leaving was that she had
unresolved issues with me and still thinks im 10,
which she didn’t have until that day, so for the 3
weeks she treated me like a 10 year old, and we didn’t
get along, and she had no ambition to even work
because she knew her job was waiting for her when she
got back.  And she couldn’t wait to get back.

This made me sad, all that work for nothing.  And last
night I told her how I felt again, very supportively
and she emailed me that she cried so much.  She knew
what my oppinions are but she gets so brainwashed all
she can think about is who she met this week who is
SOOO famous and how nice they are and how popular
Grandmaster is.

I just wanted to share with you some of the things
that have happened.  It makes me said, my mom is sooo
brainwashed, i don’t even know her anymore.

anyway
i love you guys and hope that someday my mom can get
out on her own.

Please keep these things confidential from her for
now.  The way grandmaster is, my mom will think I am
conspiring against Grandmaster.  She thinks Stan Durst
did that, when he was just trying to help his kid get
out.
love
jacob

thx

It’s been a light week due to my schedule. However I wanted to let anyone following the blog directly, we have a lot of commenting over on our facebook page which can be found on the right side of this page, or at http://www.facebook.com/cultmember

We have over 150 daily unique viewers. So, it;s going strong. There is clearly a lot of people interested in this group, and I wanted to thank you for listening. It is therapeutic for me. We may have another contributor coming in the near future! Please checkout the comments on our facebook.

PTSD

One thing I often shy away from is talking about the mental effects of Tae Yun Kim’s cult. It’s been almost 13 years since I’ve seen the lady. Yet I still have the side effects of our effed up relationship floating around in me.  Before I started blogging I would go weeks at a time where I didn’t think about my experiences in COL. It isn’t as though the effects of being in the cult weren’t present though.

There was always an unsaid presence between my mother and I. (sometimes it was even verbal) That if I spoke negatively about Kim to her, that my mother would have no choice but to disown me. The 4 years that I was out, that preceded my mother leaving were very hard.

Being that my mother had to report in to Kim what she was up to, something always seemed to come up when we were hanging out. How dare my mother spend more than an hour with me on my birthday.

I actually never really thought negatively about Kimmie it started to become apparent the things that were happening behind my back:

  • The COL kids (who were 16 and 18 respectively) were told when I was 16 that I lost my virginity and was going down a negative path.
  • That my child was going to be a negative energy center, implications, maybe even directly saying that he was evil, to my mother and other COL members.
  • Kimmie scolding my mother, in front on my grandmother..
  • My mother was told how to handle me and my energy at our wedding; She was told to wear a hot pink dress to our wedding… Upstaging the bride, which we all know is a big no-no at weddings.
  • I wasn’t allowed to hang out with my best friend or his sister. It was considered negative… It just wasn’t allowed.

These things were the last straw in me.  I had never really talked to anyone about Kim; Let alone negatively.

It wasn’t fair that despite trying to have a positive relationship with my mother that she was being steered to not. I started collecting my own opinion about Kimmie.  I did my own research. I knew who this woman was…  So I started planting seeds with my mom.

I realized that if I always made her happy, and never expressed my discontent with Kimmie that she wouldn’t ever get out.

When we went into COL only one person spoke up; My father. He even went to my grandparents, his ex-in-laws, and pleaded with them. My dad and his friend Dan were the only ones who spoke up. They told me what they thought, and it sat with me. My grandparents? They did like every successful cultmember’s parent do and sat by and watched… judged… had an opinion, but didn’t share it.

I guess what I am getting at here, as a message to the masses:

DON’T SIT BY WHILE YOUR CHILDREN, LOVED ONES, OR WHOEVER THEY ARE GET ABUSED. IF YOU THINK THEY ARE GETTING INVOLVED IN SOMETHING, SPEAK UP! TOO MANY KIDS AND FAMILIES ARE SUBJECTED TO THIS, BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE AFRAID TO ROCK THE BOAT. YOU HAVE TO SAY SOMETHING! SPEAK UP! GROW A PAIR!

If this is all you glean from reading my blog, I feel successful in this venture. I sit here with PTSD from the events that happened in the cult, and that followed up, especially getting my mom out.  I am forever broken. However that doesn’t mean I can’t get better, and this is part of that healing process. Making sure the word about this woman, who destroys families, to this day… to this MINUTE, is out there… That way when people join COL, or even Jung SuWon, they know who this person really is, underneath all of that makeup and plastic surgery.

The one thing everyone leaves COL with is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder… PTSD

Politics in your pocket

My mother was given money and asked to give it to Mike Honda for Congress in 2001 by Tae Yun Kim and her associates. Apparently a lot of other people to.  This helped circumvent federal election laws. These are people who make close to nothing. But somehow they have $500-$1000 each to support Mike Honda. My mom has bank evidence to prove this. In the past she has supported Milpitas Mayor and Santa Clara County Supervisor Pete McHugh, having them as guests of honor during testings and other events. Here is what I have found thus far towards Mike Honda’s campaign.

I am not saying that all of these people had the same experience my mother did, only that it is likely. These people were all associated with Jung SuWon/COL at the time of their donation.

TAE YUN KIM
chairman & ceo
lighthouse worldwide services
Q2-2011
$1,000 donation to mike honda for congress
TAE YUN KIM
chairman/ceo
lighthouse worldwide services
Q1-2011
$500 donation to mike honda for congress
TAE YUN KIM
chairman/ceo
lighthouse worldwide services
Q1-2010
$1,800 donation to mike honda for congress
TAE YUN KIM
chairman/ceo
lighthouse worldwide services
Q1-2010
$600 donation to mike honda for congress
TAE YUN KIM
chairman/ceo
lighthouse worldwide services
Q2-2009
$1,800 donation to mike honda for congress
PAUL NEWMAN
executive director of sales
lighthouse worldwide solutions
Q2-2010
$1,500 donation to mike honda for congress
SCOTT SALTON
president
lighthouse worldwide solutions
Q2-2010
$1,400 donation to mike honda for congress
SCOTT SALTON
manager
lighthouse worldwide solutions
Q1-2010
$1,000 donation to mike honda for congress
ERIKA SOMMERS
executive assistant
lighthouse worldwide solutions
Q2-2010
$1,000 donation to mike honda for congress
THOMAS SAUNDERS
senior vp
lighthouse worldwide solutions
Q2-2010
$1,000 donation to mike honda for congress
ROCCO POCHY
vice president
lighthouse worldwide solutions
Q2-2010
$500 donation to mike honda for congress

Adam Giandomenico (Morning Planet/President), (Zip code: 95035) $1000 to MIKE HONDA FOR CONGRESS on 12/28/01

Mark Amador (Can Do Spirit Inc./Manager), (Zip code: 95035) $1000 to MIKE HONDA FOR CONGRESS on 12/28/01

Michael Fell (Jung Su Won/President), (Zip code: 95035) $1000 to MIKE HONDA FOR CONGRESS on 12/28/01

Sarah Kim (Lighthouse Worldwide Services/CRM), (Zip code: 95035) $1000 to MIKE HONDA FOR CONGRESS on 12/28/01

Juliana ONeil (Can Do Spirit Inc./Product Manager), (Zip code: 95035) $700 to MIKE HONDA FOR CONGRESS on 12/28/01

Rocco Pochy (LWS/Engineer), (Zip code: 95035) $1000 to MIKE HONDA FOR CONGRESS on 12/28/01

Thomas Saunders (Angel Healing/Executive), (Zip code: 95035) $1000 to MIKE HONDA FOR CONGRESS on 12/28/01

Erika Sommers (Executive Producer), (Zip code: 95035) $1000 to MIKE HONDA FOR CONGRESS on 12/28/01

Kristina Williams (Lighthouse Worldwide Services/Manag), (Zip code: 95035) $1000 to MIKE HONDA FOR CONGRESS on 12/28/01

Sean Birch (Lighthouse Worldwide Services/Vice), (Zip code: 95035) $500 to MIKE HONDA FOR CONGRESS on 12/28/01

Kevin Michael Campbell (Lighthouse Worldwide Solutions/Dire), (Zip code: 95035) $500 to MIKE HONDA FOR CONGRESS on 12/28/01

Candice Carrington (Apple Tours/Travel Agent), (Zip code: 95035) $550 to MIKE HONDA FOR CONGRESS on 12/28/01

Holly Chamberlain (Lighthouse Worldwide Services/Engin), (Zip code: 95035) $500 to MIKE HONDA FOR CONGRESS on 12/28/01

Morgan W. Polen (Lighthouse Worldwide Services/Busin), (Zip code: 95035) $1000 to MIKE HONDA FOR CONGRESS on 01/18/02

Gregory Dumas (None/Retired), (Zip code: 95035) $450 to MIKE HONDA FOR CONGRESS on 12/28/01

Karen Heart (Lighthouse Worldwide Solutions/Sale), (Zip code: 95035) $500 to MIKE HONDA FOR CONGRESS on 12/28/01

Joy Henderson (Melrose Nameplate/Supervisor), (Zip code: 95035) $500 to MIKE HONDA FOR CONGRESS on 12/28/01

Paul Newman (Morning Planet/Sales), (Zip code: 95035) $500 to MIKE HONDA FOR CONGRESS on 12/28/01

Manju Raj (Spike Technologies/Engineer), (Zip code: 95035) $500 to MIKE HONDA FOR CONGRESS on 12/28/01

Michael Thomas (Lighthouse Worldwide Services/Engin), (Zip code: 95035) $500 to MIKE HONDA FOR CONGRESS on 12/28/01

Joseph Weinstein (Lighthouse Worldwide Services/VP), (Zip code: 95035) $750 to MIKE HONDA FOR CONGRESS on 12/28/01

Hope Winter (Lighthouse Worldwide Solutions/Acco), (Zip code: 95035) $500 to MIKE HONDA FOR CONGRESS on 12/28/01

Cheryl Woo (Northstar LLC/Operations Director), (Zip code: 95035) $500 to MIKE HONDA FOR CONGRESS on 12/28/01

Clark Anderson (Lighthouse Worldwide Services/Engin), (Zip code: 95035) $1000 to MIKE HONDA FOR CONGRESS on 02/04/02

There were a lot of  duplicates, which i tried to remove, but in some cases they were different amounts, so i left those in.
All of this information was obtained from :

http://fundrace.huffingtonpost.com/neighbors.php?type=emp_or_occ&emp=Lighthouse+Worldwide+Solutions

http://fundrace.huffingtonpost.com/neighbors.php?type=name_address&lat=37.4832820000&oldest=1&lng=-121.9423270000&lname=Kim&fname=Tae+Yun

http://www.city-data.com/elec2/elec-MILPITAS-CA.html

He can do… Final Chapter

This is the final in my mom’s series of posts. I really tried to express my feelings in the moment of what happened. I hope I did a good job of that. I’t been difficult going through this. I intentionally took a couple of day break, because I was getting overwhelmed by writing all of this.  Please read ahead. 

Ok…here’s the last leg of my journey away from TYK when I was finally able to leave.

Part 3 – The Last Straw

·Late March 2003 – at CDS (her skincare company)

Working on a Saturday on an education video for CDS. TYK had approved the usage of my mother as one of the people we would use for treatment during the education/training video. Three COL members were present (2 were instructors) as well as my mother. Throughout the hours of video taping and photo shooting, TYK would come in and out of her JSW office boasting how she was dealing with international business problems as she came and went. One of the instructors left at one point to run an errand for TYK. It was something I was supposed to do, but couldn’t leave the shooting, so he left to run the errand during the filming.

After he left, TYK came back to CDS and asked me if Before and After photos had been taken? I looked at the two COL people who were taking the photographs and video, hoping they would answer the question…but both were silent. TYK then proceeded to verbally whip me, berate, scold and demean me in front of my mother for approximately 30 minutes for not having made sure the photos were taken. The verbal abuse felt like it was endless. I sat quiet with my mother in front of me as I fought tears welling up in my eyes. I didn’t want my mother to see that this was affecting me at all. Over and over again, I was told, “how stupid I was”…”that we couldn’t do anything right without her standing right by our sides”….”I was useless”….etc. I read shock in my mother’s face and as she got up from the table to finally leave she looked at me and whispered that she wanted to see me tomorrow for dinner. I walked her out to her car and I assured her that everything was ok and I promised that I would come by for dinner tomorrow.

Up to this point my parents had never come around the dojang or my work place other than one testing within the first year I was there. My mother went home and told my father everything.

When the instructor returned from the errand, he took TYK home and then he returned to CDS in the evening. When he arrived back I was somber and didn’t want to speak. I’m sure he saw anger, shock and disappointment in my eyes and he started questioning me as to what was wrong. I told him it didn’t matter and that if I told him he wouldn’t believe me anyway. He walked me to a nearby restaurant to eat dinner and pleaded with me to talk. With strong conviction in my voice, I told him that he should ask TYK what happened as she knew exactly what she did. We walked back to CDS and I left for home much earlier than normal (near 9pm). I went straight to my room in the COL home to think through what I was going to say to my parents and how I was going to explain away this. How do I explain why my boss thought it was appropriate to yell at me with the intensity she did….and why was I putting up with it?

TYK suddenly entered the women’s COL home and yelled out my name, demanding that I come downstairs and talk to her. She sat in the living room with her personal doctor kneeled to one side of her and the instructor that I again reported and talked to on the other side. She asked me if anyone else was in the house. I answered no. I sat kneeled before her, looking down. I didn’t want to talk to her or look at her and my actions became very defiant towards her for the first time. She started yelling at me, saying that she had heard through the instructor that I felt that she had done something inappropriate when my mother was there. I went through the events as I experienced them, knowing that she would deny everything. And she did. She then continued to tell me I was a liar, a manipulator and more. At one point the COL person (CW) who had been taking photographs walked in the front door and TYK addressed her and asked her if she believed that she had endlessly, verbally disciplined me in front of my mother. CW started to agree that she had, but TYK interrupted her booming back, whether she really believed that. Suddenly CW back pedaled and down played it and said that actually we were all being disciplined and that it wasn’t anything out of the norm.

I told TYK that because of her actions, it had instigated my mother and father wanting to meet with me tomorrow and that my father had been told what transpired and that he was very angry and threatened to call the police and have them escort me out of here….so it was better if I just meet with them to settle the situation down.

The next evening, I met with my parents for dinner. It was the first time that I met with them uninterrupted by COL phone calls and pages requesting my presence. This was the first time I started openly discussing what was really going on, the control TYK had in my life and that this was the end, but that I may need their emotional and physical help as I had absolutely NOTHING to move forward with and TYK purposely designed it that way. My parents gave me their full support and told me that if I didn’t stay in constant contact with them and actually leave they WOULD be taking legal action.

I went back to TYK and told her that I had to leave. This was the end. No more good bye parties, no more sleepless nights talking, no more gifts….no more anything. I told her I was leaving the next day. She said again that she wanted the instructor to help me pack and use his car. I said NO, that I was doing it on my own and that I would rent a van. It took me a couple of days to make plans with my son to move down with him and get the van packed and then I left…..this time for good.

Before I left TYK requested that I come up and say goodbye before I left. The instructor was the only other person present. She briefly talked to me and then went back to her bedroom and came back with a full length faux fur coat as another gift. She then asked the instructor to give me a final hug and goodbye and then sent him to his bedroom. She continued to talk with me for a little while at her front door and then as I walked out across the circular driveway, she started to hysterically cry and wale. I didn’t turn back, I just got into my car and called the instructor to go downstairs and pull TYK back inside.

That was finally the end.

I’m by far not the only person who has stories to share that are similar and in some cases I know even far greater in disciplinary actions than this.

So I think it’s time for others to help in making others aware of the reality that still exists.

It hasn’t been easy, but we are happy to have her out, 9 years later.

%d bloggers like this: