Monthly Archives: January 2012

More posts soon!

Taking a break tomorrow. More stuff later this week. Who knows, maybe I can tackle another post later tomorrow?

Sex education with Tae Yun Kim

Semen, i didn’t know it had a name until Summer 1997 at Stanford University.

Tae Yun Kim spoke as part of a lecture series with a few other teachers about love. I was one of only a couple of students who were with her. I ended up there because in the Summer of 1997 I was working San Francisco for Kim’s Pacific Exchange Options market making operation, Young Sa Trading. Scott and I headed over to Stanford. I didn’t really know what I was getting myself into. We were basically just there as a contingent to stand up and cheer when she was done speaking in the lecture hall.

Tae Yun is a good speaker. Despite her thick accent, she engages you, and you leave with an action plan. Just like they teach you in ToastMasters.

What was weird happened after. Kim got really into one of the speakers. A Doctor of psychology and sex as I recall. She invited him to dinner, where we all attended. They went back and forth talking about sex the whole time. Until something that will haunt me until my final days. Kim explained that she believes to the have the secret of skin care. “Look at my face” she said. “No wrinkle, tight”… She explained that she believed the secret to be “Semen on the face”…  Ya.. so 14 year old me, sitting 2 chairs away from Kim is literally sitting in the middle of this conversation about rubbing cum all over ones face for good skin….

She also went on to explain the details of how she christened one her senior students sexually relationships, and the details of that. Including doing it in her office in Jung SuWon.

I can’t believe some of the crap I went through while around her. There was only about 4 or 5 of us COL members in attendance. One was the man who basically got us involved in COL. (mom’s ex’s brother) He would later joke with me and his wife that he was too old to produce, and joked that I should lend him some. Thought it was funny at the time. Pretty sick now, all things considered.


In an instance that happened within that same period of time, I had a friend with the nickname “ass face”… She was a girl, who was outspoken.. it was a jokey name. One day when getting off the phone with her I said “see you later ass face” or something to that affect. A COL member overheard me, and you could tell made a mental note of it. Within the next few days we were at COL1, Kim’s house before stargazer. I was just doing my own thing.. Nothing going on when suddenly Kim says “Do you like sodomy?” I realize she’s looking at me. I’m 14…  I don’t know this word?? What is sodomy? I told her, “isn’t that like embezzlement?” I didn’t know!  She explains it as being “sex in the butt”… Hmmm No can’t say that I have an opinion on that at age 14?

So apparently the student who heard me speak to “ass face” then decided to journal this… Which apparently meant I needed an anal sex intervention…  AT AGE 14!

Kim explained how dirty anal sex is, bad energy, and that we shouldn’t be friends anymore.  Despite that, ass face and I are still friends today 🙂

He can do, she can… continued

It took so many attempts to get her out of there, here is part two of the fiasco. My comments will again be in Italics.

Read the He Can Do first read first

September 2002-January 2003

Near Aug/Sept 02 TYK moved me into Stargazer for several weeks, I’m sure it was her attempt to keep me closer and have more control over me and further re-condition me after my almost leaving. She called it a “Special Program”, where she spent more one-on-one time (private classes) with me talking and preparing me for how my son and daughter-in-law would hate me and that my son had the potential to become enraged and kill me. She saw this in her visions and was very “fearful” for me. I lived there from late August through Early October. A few days before Thanksgiving, her patters continued, nothing really did change and I told her that this time, I really did have to leave. Finally she allowed me to leave, with the precondition that I would go only to help them out on a short term basis and that I would return to my same position at CDS and training with her. I asked her for 6 months to help them prepare for the baby and help them find a home they could afford as the one they were in was in very poor living condition and they were having legal issues with the landlord. I told her I was concerned for their safety and needed to leave so that I could help them. TYK said that because of energy I had to return within 3 months. I had told my son, that I was leaving for good, but secretly had made this promise to her that I’d return. Emotionally I believed I was leaving for good, but through out October and November she spent days and nights keeping me up through out the night, having to return to work in the morning, preparing for everything that my son and daughter-in-law would do to me. She told me that she could tell by the photo she saw of my daughter-in-law that she was evil and that the child she was carrying (my grandson) was of the same evil energy and designed by Satan to pull me away from my purpose. Day after day, I waited for her to give me permission to leave, as she kept saying that the date wasn’t good and that I couldn’t only leave when the timing was right. She gave me a large COL sendoff party in SG, prepared gifts of clothes and jewelry, gave me a check of approximately $2300 which was for back pay that they hadn’t given me during a period of time I wasn’t paid, but she told me it was a bonus and gift for my mission and journey. She also had HC prepare a booklet of goodbye letters from everyone, so that I could stay connected and know how important I was to everyone.

Prior to this in early November my mom completely came out to me that she was ready to leave. We met and she used my computer to start looking for jobs, houses etc. At some point after this my mother mother probably felt guilty about these things and framed it to Kim that she needed to help us. We were dong just fine, we wanted her out. I believe that my mother had to justify it in her mind that she was helping us, as thats what she was conditioned to do, and that is how it was communicated to Kim. Thus my mom came from a point a weakness when approaching this with Tae Yun Kim.

Because she was so concerned for my safety, she begged me to stay connected by journaling to her every day and phoning in. If she wasn’t available I was still supposed to report into two instructors. She sent an instructor with me with his SUV full of my clothes and few belongings to their house. He then invited himself to spend the day with the three of us, finding a new apartment in the area. He drove us around all day until we found that two he gave his stamp of approval on (he privately told me that he felt those were the two the TYK would have energy approved). He went back to SG.

Energy approved, lol… More like these were the most expensive ones he felt like signing us up to pay the rent on.

I was incensed from the moment she showed up. F-ing Mark Amador, asshole of the earth shows up at my house with my mother. FUCK THAT! She canceled on us numerous times then shows up with this douche bag? Why did she have an escort? WTF happened to all of this work I did, helping her get out?  Why was he here?

What this meant when he showed up escorting my mom, I knew that this was a non starter. My mom had clearly left on Kim’s terms. Not her own!

10 days before Christmas I was having arguments with my son, as he started to realize that TYK and the instructor were contacting me through text messages and e-mail and I was also returning calls and e-mails. He was very disappointed in me and as the yelling matches escalated I started to believe everything that TYK had planted in my mind. After one of these yelling matches, I called TYK and told her I had to come back and that maybe she was right (I had only been gone 3 weeks). She told me that the instructor would come and help me move out. He arrived when neither my son nor daughter-in-law were home and moved my few belongings into his SUV. As we drove away from the apartment, he continued to contact TYK and took me to a nearby shopping mall to drop off my car. He asked me to hide my carsamidst the other parked cars and that the energy wasn’t right to return according to TYK, so we proceeded to spend the rest of the day having breakfast, lunch and dinner at restaurants in a date-like atmosphere as he held my hand through out the day, driving in his car. We drove from the length of the Central coast, stopping at beaches, walking in the thundering storm and rain; it had been the worst storm we had seen yet in the season. We stopped on a cliff and became completely drenched as he walked me through muddy fields to the very windy edge of a 100 ft. bluff overlooking the dangerous, pounding waves below; ignoring all weather advisories of staying away from cliffs due to the nature of the waves. It was almost as if he was trying to purposefully scare me and completely drain me. I had recently come down with a bronchitis type of illness and by the end of the day of getting completely soaked I was completely sick and drained.

After sunset, he finally got approval from TYK to drive back to her home. I was greeted at the women’s COL home by TYK and all of COL. She went through a blessing and informal welcoming ceremony. She then asked everyone, one by one, to tell me how they felt to see me back and discuss how I looked. I heard everything from my energy looked very bad, I looked old, I looked like my daughter-in-law, I had obviously disconnected and more. When in actuality I was very sick, soaking wet, completely drained and very stressed by all of the events. Before I had left my son’s home, I had made Christmas cookies with my daughter-in-law per her request to do that together. I brought some back with me for the COL group. TYK immediately instructed someone to throw them all away.

Apparently looking like my wife, who was 21, made her look old. I also told her that they would make her throw them away!

Then COL was dismissed and she escorted me to my own private room in the home where I had no room mate for the first time ever. They had redecorated it in BRIGHT oranges, purples, yellows and blues. The room also had a water fountain running, TYK music playing and photos of TYK all over the wall. Then GM instructed me that I wasn’t to leave this room, other than to go to the bathroom or get water to drink and that I was to talk to no one (Silent Program). I wasn’t to answer my cell phone and have no communication with anyone except for TYK. I could call TYK at anytime and SAK and EAS would come each day and video and photograph my process. I was not allowed to see a doctor the entire time for my bronchitis/pneumonia. After several days, EAS did bring me some OTC cough medicine, but nothing else. I was told to do 100 rebirths every day and night, read her Silent Master book and the Bible and write down my thoughts. Journal every day through out the day and write about the whole experience. If I needed anything else, I was supposed to page EAS with a special code on her pager. Broth and later soup was delivered to me every day and that is all I was suppose to eat except for water.

My phone continued to ring every day and v/mails were left, but I wasn’t allowed to retrieve them and I knew that my son and parents were trying to reach me by the Phone IDs that I could see. After about a week, I begged TYK to allow me to call both my parents and son to arrange Christmas Eve plans with them and just let them know that I was ok. She told me that she didn’t want me to go over there for Christmas, that it wouldn’t be good for me. But finally she allowed me to call them and make arrangements to go over my parent’s home for Christmas Eve and call my son to assure him I was ok. She gave me very explicit instructions of what I couldn’t do when I went there. I could only stay a few hours. I couldn’t hug anyone or eat anything. I explained my behavior to my family, telling them that I had been very sick and that I didn’t want to get anyone else sick. It was very unlike me to be physically distant with them.

It sure wasn’t me calling her everyday; I think I called her once; My wife and I were incensed. She put us through a lot of stress, especially my wife who was in her last weeks over a very rough pregnancy. We felt betrayed that she had been communicating with Kim, and had moved out with us on terms with Kim; As she put it with me one night, she was only there “on a special program”. I felt betrayed because of how much I cared for her, and how much time I had invested with her in “Just leaving”.  We just wanted her to get out of COL.  I advised her it wasn’t a good idea to communicate with Kim.  My mother even agreed that she didn’t owe Kim anything.

At Christmas, I told my mother not to bother coming back to move in with us when she became right of mind, I told her she was going to need to talk to her mom. She also begged me for money, because she had none due to Kim’s “special program” she was on. This is the kind of person Kim had pushed her to. I had no money and she had signed us up for a large rent that we were going to have to shoulder on our own.

When I returned to the COL home, I checked in with TYK as I was supposed to, she continued me on this same program until approximately January 10th, when she ceremoniously gave me my job back. Though I wasn’t given a paycheck for more than a month. I promised TYK I was back for good and that I couldn’t go through this again and that I had learned my lesson.

January 11, 2003 – my son called me late in the afternoon to let me know that their son, (my grandson) was born. I called TYK to get permission to drive to see the baby. She allowed me to go only with the instructor as an escort. No one in my family except for my son had ever met him, so it was a very awkward situation to suddenly appear as if I had a boyfriend or something. I was instructed that I could not touch or hold the baby. My son recognized my awkward behavior stemming from TYK and ignored it. Our visit was very short. I never saw my grandson again until I moved out in late March, once and for good….(Part 3 to share that last leg of my journey out of COL).

I didn’t care that she was there. The only reason I even allowed Mark Amador in there with her is that I knew I wanted her to see her grandchild.

TYK can deny and deny that she interferes with her student’s family lives, but you judge for yourself. None of this is made up…I wish it was.

The only reason I’m sharing these experiences is for the awareness of others and to substantiate what others have wondered about and to hopefully thwart any of this repeating itself in the future.

This week we learned that my nephew, who hasn’t even reached his 26th birthday was diagnosed with Lymphoma and will immediately be undergoing 6 months of chemo treatments. I’m telling this not for sympathy, but just to remember that when we’re discussing all of these very serious things that have happened to us, to keep focused on what is important.

The ticket to life has a limit on it…don’t waste what you have left on your ticket.

My mom wrote this in 2007, my 28 year old cousin passed away in 2009. He is missed. 

My mother wasn’t out at this point yet. Part 3 soon.

Why don’t people leave cults

I found an interesting website I wanted to share, with a big FAQ.


Why don’t people leave cults?

All the mind control techniques help to keep people in cults, sometimes being used together to form even stronger controls over members. Here’s how.


Cults teach their members that the real world is different to how it actually is, making it appear a place that members would not want to be part of.

Also, the cult member might not realise anything is wrong.


Cults teach their members that only the cult offers salvation or the truth. Leaving the cult is the same as leaving God, and no relationship with God will ever be possible if they leave.

Fear, Guilt, Intimidation

The leadership knows all the wrongdoing of the members and the threat of having it all revealed – basically emotional blackmail – is used to scare the member into staying.

Information control

If a cult dictates what its members are allowed to read, and what they can listen to on radio and watch on TV, members will not know what the outside world is like. That can make it a very scary prospect stepping out from the cult. The cult may also present its members with a false view of the outside world, perhaps one in which everyone is so sinful that leaving members wouldn’t last a week before being killed or worse.

Alternatively, the cult member might be completely unaware that there is anything wrong with what they are taught or that life within the cult is unusual – it might be all they’ve ever known.

Love bombing, conditional love

After a honeymoon period where a new member (suddenly) has all the love they can cope with – known as love bombing – love is turned on and off to control. Members have their needs for love and acceptance met only when they are complying with the cult’s requirements. This is a strong disincentive to do anything wrong, such as think about leaving.

Relationship control and shunning

Cults try to control all the personal relationships of their members. Eventually (normally over a period of a few years) the member will not have any close friends outside of the cult. Often their entire family will also be in the cult. It takes a huge amount of courage to leave friends and family behind, since members who leave are shunned by the cult. Shunning is when present members are forbidden to talk to or associate with former members, even if they are their own family. Over the years a person spends within a cult, their business might become completely dependent on other cult members, possibly because the cult leadership has told them they are not allowed to have other customers. If they were to leave, both they and their business would be shunned – no more customers.

Reporting structure and thought stopping

If members know that they will be punished for saying or doing anything against the cult (especially if they think the punishment is somehow justified – for example if guilt is also used) they will be more and more reluctant to say or do anything that could possibly appear disloyal. They will eventually block out any anti-cult thoughts as they have them. This is known as “thought-stopping.” (It’s quite bizarre watching this happen, and very sad, too.)

Time control

Some cults deliberately keep their members so busy that they don’t have time to consider their involvement. The members are too busy (and possibly too tired) to figure out that the cult is bad. Some extreme cults also control food, which also prevents the member from thinking clearly.

The reality of not living with mom

Have you ever been woken up with a glass of water tossed on your face? I have. Many a time.

At first it sounded a little nice having some separation from mom? Right? No one to tell you what to do; no one to give you a bed time. In a lot of ways it was cool. I put myself to bed, like an adult; I shopped for myself at the grocery store; I got myself to school.

It’s not all fun though.

One of the other so-called “young warriors” (who is still there, and should be about 23 years old by now) was about 6. He lived with us; What do they like to do? Cry!

Looking back, this kid was abused! They would drag him around the house when he fell asleep in the wrong place. They would put him in a cold shower when he would cry for his mom. You don’t have to hit someone for it to be abuse! Children don’t typically get yelled asleep.

Others have posted on Bullshido about being 9 and 7 year olds and being forced to drink wine and smoke a cigarette. Just because an older boy did it, doesn’t mean you have to make the whole group? Child abuse! Kim would talk about it like it was funny, and flaunt it… As if warning me, that if I did something bad we would all have to face the punishment.

I will tell you what. The “young warrior” she was targeting? He was just going to be the way he was going to be. He offered all of us smokes, drinks, drugs and porn.  It’s just the way he was… She didn’t have to make all of the kids do it.  We chose not to on our own! It didn’t make him stop!

Sorry for the aside, but I ran into this thought, and found it pertinent to the conversation.

The men in COL2 just didn’t know how to deal with kids. Most of them were great, but a few of them weren’t. One I really ran through the ringer.  I teased him a lot. I feel bad now, but he assaulted me. Slammed me so hard against a wall that my pager went through the wall. Remember the hole in the wall near the laundry room? That was from Mark (not Amador) assaulting me! My head slammed into the wall and everything!

We all frequently would get woken up by either water to the face and blanket, or yelling. A few COL members were more tender, but few had patience for the 6 year old.

COL3 was an entirely different, quieter place. They did have a teen and a younger girl living there. However as most of us know, women are a little better with children.

I enjoyed most of my time in COL, but the abuse I suffered affects me now! It’s pretty hard to let that go.

Show me your commitment, April 1997

This is a repost from from 2007. This is some rough stuff, and I apologize ahead of time for reposting, to everyone involved. However this is a very important post, as it demonstrates the power Tae Yun Kim has over everything in a COL member’s life.

For those who were in COL at the time, you may recall this as the evening when many of the male students showed up the next day with new names…… Do we remember this?  I’ll give you a hint.. A popular 1996 Tom Cruise movie, show me  they money??  Also Newman’s own. 🙂 I think I changed my name around that time too.

Please read:

Show me your commitment. April 1997

Grandmaster Tae Yun Kim sent us to her office and told us to take our pants off and to kneel on the ground. We immediately pulled our pants and underwear down and kneeled on the floor and with the fear of God on our faces we looked down in shame. Mr. Saunders then put a steak knife in front of each of us. Grandmaster Tae Yun Kim then screamed at us, “Pick it up! Now, pick it up!!!” Each of us grabbed the knife in our hands. I was shaking with fear. We had no place to go because the instructors were sitting at the door behind us. Grandmaster Tae Yun Kim then said, “I want you to show your commitment to me by cutting off your cock. It seems that your cock is coming in between you and your training and I want you to cut it off and give it to me.” I had no spit in my mouth, my heart was pounding, my mind was racing and I thought I was literally going to die that night. All I could do was look down as she began to scream again. “Cut it off! Right now, you cut your cock off and show me your commitment!” She then said, “I want you to put the knife to your cock now. Put the knife on your cock and cut it off. Saw it off if you have to!”

Each of us sat there, naked, with steak knives in our hands, attempting to cut off our privates. I pushed the blade against myself as hard as I could. I just couldn’t make myself do it. Then I told myself, fuck-it, and stretched my privates, pushed the knife against my skin and felt the teeth of the knife blade sticking into me, then Grandmaster Tae Yun Kim screamed “Stop!” All I could think of was how fast I could get to the hospital if Mr. Amador drove me there.

Grandmaster Tae Yun Kim then screamed, “Stand-up! Get-up right now! I did everything I could to stand up without falling down because I had lost all the feeling on my legs. Grandmaster Tae Yun Kim then instructed Mr. Saunders and Mr. Amador to take me into the bathroom that was across the hall. Grandmaster Tae Yun Kim told me to stick my face in the toilet. I kneeled on the ground and Mr. Saunders held my head under the water. Mr. Saunders pressed my face to the bottom of the bowl, and the toilet was then flushed, the water rushed out of the toilet and up my nose while I coughed to keep from choking. Grandmaster Tae Yun Kim then told him to do it again and again, so Mr. Saunders did as she instructed. When they finished with me, the others went taken into the bathroom for the “cleansing experience.”

Grandmaster Tae Yun Kim told us to come back into her office and asked us what we learned and what was going on in our mind. Each of us spoke but Grandmaster Tae Yun Kim didn’t like the responses and told us that we didn’t deserve to be her students or to be a part of her life. Grandmaster Tae Yun Kim asked us to keep the knife at our meditation table to remember the experience and that our cock should not ever come in between our master and ourselves.

He can do, she can do, why not me? Leaving COL

This is such a lengthy post. Since it was written five years ago on Bullshido, by my mother I am going to interject with my own views, and what happened from my take. My writing will be viewable in Italics. She refers to Tae Yun Kim as TYK and many of the other component companies in abbreviation as well. I have provided this verbatim, (sic) as opposed to editing it.

In regards to your question of what made me finally wake up and get out…it’s never just one thing. It was a long string of things of which I’ve outlined below. One final motivating life event that weighed heavily on me, was that my son was having his first child; my grandson was coming into the world in 2003 and TYK was telling me that he was an evil force that would keep me away from living my life’s purpose. Through all the things that happened below that were mostly family related, I realized that I had to make a choice….either I was going to live not knowing my grandchildren and have to leave, or I could continue to work HARD for her to acheive what she wanted. I begged her not to make me choose between my family and her…and at one point when she knew I was on the edge of leaving, in private she said to me, “I am soooo sorry I ever made you feel that way…I would never do that to you.” She is quite the actress…trust me. It’s hard to know where reality begins and ends when you’re around her.

Since I left in 1999 my mother was on a much harsher protocol of conditioning than she had before. As Kim saw it she had been “freed” of her attachment to me. However to keep her around she also had to up the ante; Losing regular interaction with a family member who is in with you is hard to deal with. Kim had to try that much harder. However “special programs” and being treated with a heavier hammer was actually a sought after position to be in, in COL. Often members who didn’t have opportunity, or a lot going outside of COL were treated with less “attention” thus it was desirable to have the increased attention. Or at least thats how it felt in COL.

Once I left I was rarely aware of what went on as far as “special programs” other than my mom losing considerable weight in between seeing her, occasionally.

The recollections I wrote a year ago are long, so I’m going to break them up to hopefully step you through about a year and a half of situations and trying to leave several times.

Part 1 – mid 2002 (4 months after the sexually oriented event that I was disciplined for)

First time I attempted to leave. My son called me near 11 at night, while driving back home from a trip to N. California, I told him since he was near my work he should drop by for a few minutes to say Hi, they had recently found out that my daughter-in-law was pregnant and I hadn’t been allowed to see them since the wedding earlier in the year. When he arrived, I paged the instructor I always reported to and let him know that I’d be leaving CDS (one of her companies I worked for at the time) for 20 minutes to have some tea with my son at the nearby Asian shopping center.
First I want to point out that my mother was used to working at 11pm at night, mentioned it like it was nothing… Kim called within seconds of us leaving Lighthouse/CDS.
Before I arrived at the shopping center, located 3 blocks away, TYK called me and hysterically yelled and swore at me over the phone. I hadn’t received her permission to leave, accused me of sneaking out and lying. My daughter-in-law and son were in my car and TYK asked me to step out of the car after about 15 minutes of phone disciplining. I was overwhelmed and traumatized as I didn’t want my new daughter-in-law to experience this. I asked TYK to just let me come back to the office where she could continue to talk to me, but she refused to let me hang up and continued to yell, swear, berate and demean me as I stood in the dark parking lot about 50 feet from my car. I continued to beg her to let me come back and finally after an hour of this, she let me hang up.
It is interesting the thought of my mother not being able to hang up.  Sounds like such a simple act, but I assure you it isn’t with Kim. During this time my wife and I sat in my mother’s car waiting for her. My wife encouraged me to just go hang up the phone for her. It took everything in my body to not intervene and hang the phone up for her. I considered throwing her phone and pagers against the wall. However I knew that she had to leave on her own terms. I knew that in order to eventually leave successfully that 
I drove back and told my son not to worry and that I would go home to the house all the women lived in, pack a few clothes and drive down to his home as he begged me to, so that I had time to sort through everything that was happening. I dropped them off at their car in CDS parking lot and drove to the home I lived at. I received a COL page, notifying everyone to gather in Jung SuWon (the MA studio).
This is something my mother and I spoke about recently. She referred to her “electronic leash.” It took me a few seconds to understand what she mean, but it was their way of life at the time. You lived and died by the ringing of your pager in COL. 
When my wife and I left we discussed it. I knew that when we left everyone was assembling at Jung SuWon for a COL class. An eery lone candle was placed in the middle and everyone was circling up, proverbially circling the wagons. I told my wife I thought there was little chance if any, that my mother would actually make it to our home that night.
I didn’t answer it and continued to pack. Then I received a phone call from the instructor. I didn’t answer it, but he continued to call. I answered and he told me in an unusually gentle voice that TYK wanted me to come to JSW with everyone for class. I told him I couldn’t and that I was leaving. After questioning me for awhile he handed the phone to TYK and she continued to persuade me to come back and just talk for a few moments before I left.

I stopped packing and drove back to JSW and sat behind everyone else on the dojang floor with tears flowing non-stop. She explained to everyone in COL that something had happened and that I had decided to leave. After talking with everyone for about 15 minutes, she asked everyone to leave. As I started walking out of JSW, she called me up to the stage and then asked for just a few moments of my time in her private office. I agreed. This lasted until 7am the next morning. She held me in her arms, kissed me, stroked me and profusely apologized over and over and over, promising me that this type of behavior wouldn’t continue. She promised me that I’d test soon for my black belt and much more. And I told her that I didn’t feel it was fair that I had to choose between her and my son. She apologized again and again and promised that it wouldn’t continue. My phone continued to ring through out the night and I begged her to let me answer it as I knew it was my son. Near 3am, she allowed me to answer the phone and I told my son, that I would talk to him tomorrow morning. “She’s doing it again, Mom. You can’t listen to her promises.” He knew what she was doing without even being there. Her behavior had become very predictable over the years. I continued to stay until the next event in November.Part 2 to come soon…I know that when others who haven’t been inside read this, they laugh and say how weak we must be. That is one of the reasons you keep so silent after these things happen…it’s embarrasing even to myself that somehow this woman had such power over me, my family and so many other people. Trust me, if you met me on the street I’d be one of the last people you’d guess could be involved in something like this. Look next to you I could be the woman walking down the street that caught your gaze, or your manager in the workplace…you’d be very surprised. I’ve always been a very strong, intelligent, focused person who had some very traumatic personal situations happen including a young brother die, that lead me to a vulnerable place that she could take advantage of. Everyone within COL has their story that led them to be vulnerable to her. Do not judge until you’ve lived in someone’s shoes.

The focus on “failed students” and our weaknesses is another part of conditioning COLers.  It takes a lot more strength to leave. I argue it’s a sign of weakness staying in that damned cult. Leaving for mother consisted of starting over new. No job, no furniture, no anything.  Luckily she had a family, and we supported her. But the anguish she went through; the complete lack of will to live after leaving COL was something I will never forget. She does not remember now but she would secretly call Mark Amador occasionally, until I confronted her about it. Her life was there, as she felt it. Luckily within about 4 months of leaving she found a good job, and started making friends. SO COLers, if you ever think of leaving, just remember:


To my son, thank you for loving me so much and being so much wiser than your years to be able to help pull me out of this. As I’ve told you eye to eye, there are not enough sorries to make up for the years that I took away from your innocence and childhood. I just pray that TYK stops doing it to others.


So this weekend I got a message on facebook from a current COL member. There is a lot of harsh stuff going on there in the last year. I feel for them, and looks like COL should be getting a little smaller here in the near future?

I was lining up some posts for this week, and had to uncover so old feelings I had about a particular COL instructor named Mark Amador. Just wanted to give him a big F YOU!  You’re a fing ahole… I hope you realize you are one of the worst people on earth.. I don’t hate Tae Yun Kim, but I do hate you! Go f yourself!  🙂

Anyway, we have some good stuff coming out this week. I won’t be publishing this note from the member, but I have a lot of other good stuff! It’s going to be a fun week readers!

Open thread for comment on facebook

Please be sure to head over to our facebook page and give feedback on this weekend’s open thread!

Eery similarities

In this article they outline that the use of a cell phone in North Korea is to be considered a “war crime” during North Korea’s length period of mourning their late leader “Kim Jong il”

I am going to draw a comparison here. Everything I have read about North Korea, and their exclusionary laws makes me think of being in COL. I am curious when COL’s dear leader eventually passes, what will happen, perhaps something similar.

I helped my mother get out of COL in November 2002. Unfortunately she went back two weeks later, due to her having a significant session of conditioning (or brain washing) with Tae Yun Kim right before she left. She was set up to be suspicious of me. Depsite my mother not trusting Kim at all she ended up back in there.

Once she got back she was on a “special program” which basically consisted of her eating very little if anything at all, in complete seclusion for around one month.  The one exception to this was being allowed to come to her family christmas, where she was not allowed to touch or hug anyone.

You might ask “why would a full grown adult listen to this”…  Because of the influence Kim had ground in to my mother.

We eventually got her out once and for all in late march 2003. More on this later.

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