Destructive cults and you

If I ever knew what I was really getting into before I joined COL, I still may have supported the effort my mom made to join.

Unfortunately it’s important to remember that a cult doesn’t appear to be one, only when exposed to certain aspects without the guise of the principals influence do you see the group for what it is.

Tae Yun Kim fooled me, in Fremont back in 1995.  Don’t let her or others like her fool you!

Tae Yun Kim, on Wikipedia

You all might want to go check out wikipedia.  In 2008 I started an article on Kim.  Due to over-editing, admins decided to remove it since she was not a “notable person”.   Well looks like she has an article again.  I submitted some verifiable, referenced items in there.  I encourage all to add and edit, who have good information to post.  Just remember with Wikipedia you most reference EVERYTHING you post.

 

 

Different strokes for different folks…

Finally a post not related to Tae Yun Kim’s cult.

My friend who lives in San Francisco, lets call her Pam; Met a new guy at a bar last week; everything is going great; he is a lawyer; successful, etc.

Well Pam noticed new guy never says where he lives, he’s very closed. He lives in a house with other people ( little bit strange considering he is a successful attorney) and he just seems a little bit more closed off than he should…

So Tuesday she gets invited over to the house for “game night”.. she’s prepared for scrabble and monopoly… little did she know what she was walking in to.  Game night was in fact a brainwashing session where she got bullied into admitting things that she didn’t even understand. Needless to say she is one smart free thinking cookie and got her ass out of there.

I don’t really want to link it, as I don’t want to give it anymore link ability than it already has.  Apparently deep in SF, in the saint francis wood lays what pam described as the “sex compound” of a group called “the welcomed consensus” … they focus on a “technique” of training the woman to have a DO which is their special speak for deliberate orgasm… ya…

So anyway, cults are apparently alive a well in northern California. Give it a Google or search on YouTube for some chuckles.

Sleep deprived

There is very few times I can think of where the “traditional” cult brain washing techniques were actually employed.  What I now realize is that it did not take a high frequency of application in order to “brain wash” us.

I was probably 13, so this must have been 1996.  That would be my second year in COL.

We had a long “COL class” the night before…  Meaning a yelling at us session.  We were told the next morning there would be special training.  As I recall we collectively “did something wrong” It was probably sexual.. I don’t remember… i was too young to care, or for it to matter.

Anyway.. we were up to probably 3-5am… and then 2 hours later, at 7 instructors showed up at our house.. told us to get dressed and bring our Tae Kwon Do uniform to the academy, Jung SuWon.  So I get my ass up, tired beyond belief and ride with someone down to JSW.  We all get in our uniform, line up, and suddenly its like sparring time?  Are you kidding me?  It’s 7am…  I have no sleep….  and I’m supposed to take kicks from some asshole twice my size… I don’t think so… So I play hooky along with one of the other “young warriors” and I go sleep in the bathroom/lock room at the academy.. That didn’t work this time.  Scott Salton comes in there raging pissed.  So we get up and head in..and suddenly we’re doing my biggest fear: climbing the rope..  I don’t know why.. I had no fear of getting my ass kicked by a 40 year old, but that climbing rope was the bane of my existence.  It was my nemesis.  I am positive it was no coincidence that I was caught sleeping and suddenly I have to climb this thing.

So ya… I don’t understand this well enough to make a judgement on it, but I do know that this was part of some sort of brain washing…

Busy!

I’ve been busy as heck!  It isn’t as though I have forgot about this, or it has become any less important.  I will try my best to make new postings in a timely fashion.

http://cultmember.wordpress.com/2012/02/13/trying-to-see-the-light/ as you can see, someone posted a comment claiming to be Kim’s cousin.  Seems legit.. But hey, that’s new and interesting? ya?

I was driving down 880 the other day and spotted Kim’s new Lighthouse building that was recently purchased (according to Bullshido reports) and it kinda nudged on me to write.  It’s hard after so many years… I go WEEKS without thinking about this woman… I am mostly beyond the whole situation.  Sometimes all it takes is a quick reminder like seeing that new building.  So here I am on one of my busiest work days ever typing about the lady

I didn’t forget about you!

Don’t think I have given up.  Work has just recently become very busy.

I have some more stories to tell. and will begin posting again soon!

 

 

Perhaps I am wrong…

During my research, my time laying in bed at night processing the day, or even sharing drinks with another exer from the cult, I find myself reminiscing. Any one of us exers would be lying to say that our time in Kimmie’s cult was all bad.

Just today I was looking at the picture of an instructor, which they captioned something about how excited they were to be working on the Jung SuWon testing videos and finishing them up. It gave me the perspective I had when I joined COL,  momentarily.

Let me throw out an idea here..  You like working out… Training in martial arts.. being healthy.. photography and video are fun?  Wanna play with computers?? we have those too.  It’s really a compelling scenario for many. Imagine your hobby becoming your job?  You don’t really have any marketable skills but you suddenly have a “nice title” at a computer company, with engineer attached to it.

It’s important for me to remember the reason we joined.  Kim reported to be a master of the “life force”.. Ki Energy! How awesome is that? She can teach you how to have control over yourself from the inside out… Fight human desire with self discipline…

Looking back with my 20/20 hindsight I see the dark lining to the concepts of COL…You really think with all of this Ki Energy mastery, that it will enhance your art and music. What instead you find is that you’re working 13 hours a day… You feel like your life has purpose because you are working in relative unison to “spread grandmaster’s light.”

I was in for three and a half years, and it took me another 3 of being out to ever say one negative thing about Kimmie and this cult.

The people who are in genuinely enjoy themselves. They believe they are working towards a higher purpose. Once events happen to cast doubt, or frustration.. Things can change. I have been trying to pinpoint what it was for me. I was 15 and often feel that my adolescent hormonal desires led me out.. But there was a lot of things. The abuse that I witnessed; My traveling to a foreign country and gaining a perspective about my COL world; another boy being publicly berated over the possibility that he was not a heterosexual; every COL member being publicly berated over masturbation in COL class.

I look at events that happened and recognize small turning points in how I felt about Kim.

One interesting one was one time I stayed at my dad’s for the weekend. He worked cash jobs and had a wad of 50′s and 100′s in the bathroom. Knowing that my mom often didn’t have lunch money for me at school, I took it upon myself to take $50 from my father without asking.. For lunch… I was embarrassed to ask because I knew it would reflect poorly on Kim, who I held protectively.

My dad dropped me off at Lighthouse, and gave me a $50 bill and said it’s for me and whatever I need… I suspect he knew I took the first 50, and gave me the second knowing I was ashamed to have to steal from him. This event really stuck with me. I believe it eventually drove me out. The fact that I could not rely on my mother or Tae Yun Kim to provide me a meal.. But that I knew my dad could…

Like I started… perhaps I have it all wrong?  I think COLers are genuinely happy, until they’re not.. I don’t even think they could be diagnosed as depressed in COL, because of the high they exhibit.

Ignorance is bliss.

Trying to see the light

Trying to get my mom to “see the light” again was no easy task. She left in late 2002, we are now in late February 2003. About 30 days before she left at this point. She had just gone through her fasting, and deprivation program, had most likely just recently received her first paycheck since being back She wouldn’t talk to me on the phone about any of this, she just wouldn’t have it. My mom also believed that everything, her computer, phone, car, everything was bugged.

This is a series of Instant Messages over a 20 minute or so period. Everything is presented (sic) with spelling errors and all.

After I got over my anger about what happened, my mother leaving COL and Tae Yun Kim, and then going back, and the way she acted towards me.. I found resolve and put my focus on getting my mom out.

I knew I had to be honest and clear about my feelings with my mom. I knew that if I could bring back the feelings she had before she left the first time that she would again “see the light” and find her way out.

Mom: just wanted to thank you for coming up…it was great to see you
and it was great to be able to hold your son and spend time with him
Me: im glad u were able to
Mom: of course
Mom: Jacob, I’m feeling as though you’re purposely putting a barrier
between us…is there something wrong?
Me: Well, I’ll be honest, I don’t really want COL to be any
part of his life
Me: hello?
Mom: why is that?
Me: You kinow my opinions
Mom: it hurts…that’s all…basically you’re saying that you don’t
approve of my friends or my life and you don’t want him a part of
that…is that true?
Me: Ualready know I didn’t.  Remember I tried to help you get
the hell out of there, but u didn’t like the outside world
Me: Yes that is true
Me: Correction
Me: not your friends
Me: its Grandmaster
Me: don’t trusr
Mom: ok, thank you…I love you, Bye…Mom
Me: OK?  SO why are you saying bye? i thought this was a
discussion
Me: my thoughts on this topic should be no suprise.
Mom: it hurts, and I’m crying alot…I’m sorry, I love
you…goodnight
Me: AS you shared a good ammount of them before grandmaster
changed your mind for you right before you moved here
Me: ok.
Me: night
Mom: Grandmaster never changed my mind….I didn’t belong living with
you…I changed my own mind…and Grandmaster allowed me to come
back…you’ve totally misunderstood
Mom: And I’m really sorry…I love you very much…and as I said when
I left I still very much intended to be a part of your life and your son’s
too
Mom: it really, really hurts
Me:
Yes I intend YOU to be as well
Me: I want you to be
Mom: but you’re setting limitations and I personally don’t think
that’s fair…but of course you have every right to do whatever you
want with your son.
Mom: I’m leaving the office now, so I’ll talk to you some other
time…I’m hurting right now…and probably shouldn’t talk anymore.
Me: I’m not.
Me: (setting limits)
Mom: I Love you…I love you all
Me: us too… i love you mom… talk to you later.
Mom: yes…you’re saying that you don’t want him to be near anyone in
COL and especially Grandmaster…well that is my life and I’m
sorry…I’ve chosen that
Me: Ok, well I’m sorry you did.
Me: u know my thoughts and opinions about grandmaster.  she
is not someone I want having anything to do with my son
Mom: no one convinced me…I told you that before I even came down to
you…but when I was with you I really, really realized I wanted to
help you, but I definitely couldn’t live with you….I didn’t belong
in your life in that way.  My life is here

Looking for help

In February 2003 I started communicating with my family about the cult for the first time.  At this point in my leaving, I still called her grandmaster, reading how many times I say it is very obnoxious, so I apologize ahead of time.

The email to my grandma starts abruptly, as it was a follow up from a prior phone conversation. This is the first time I ever spoke to anyone in my family besides my mother or wife about the Tae Yun Kim’s group.

This is part 1 of 3 of some “getting my mom out” emails.

Also, just wanted to brief you and grandpa on why my
mom moved out and everything.  She had been in
miserable in Grandmaster’s cult (COL for short) since
about june 2001.  In June 2002, she started sharing
this with me that she desperately wanted to leave and
it was a bad situation and she didn’t know what to do.
I was seeing a counselor through work at the time too
who I talked with this about, she even gave me numbers
of sspecialists in the field of families and cults.
Even one night in July when Shannin and I stopped by
to see her, my mom left and took us out so she could
talk to us for a few.  Well during those first few
minutes Grandmaster called her, asked if I was there,
asked her to stop the car and step out so she could
talk to my mom (on the phone).  My mom was out of the
car for over an hour, crying because of the things,
which I am not sure to this day, what she said to my
mom.  My distrus for Ms. Kim became a near hate at
this point. Well finally my mom got the balls in
November to finally call it quits.  When I was staying
in san jose for training she cam by a lot of nights
and we went on the interent together and tried to find
her a job and what not.  She was very excited and
scared.  It was difficult.  I can’t imagine starting
my life over at 19 let alone 44, but it was a good
decision.  It is a very rough atmosphere in COL, with
lots of discouragment, sleep deprevation and what not.
You feel like unless you have grandmasters blessing
you wont be able to live.  It wasn’t until recently I
was really able to get out there and talk about my
expiriences.
Anyway back on track.  Ms. Kim had a “special program”
with my mom for 2 days before she left to come here,
and a special dinner with her COL boyfriend 4 days
before.  Special program means sleep deprivation in
COL terms.  And all the suddenly when my mom moved in
with me she brought her boyfriend to help her.  I was
shocked, and so was shannin.  My mom told me on her
first night that grand master had made her realize the
only reason that she was leaving was that she had
unresolved issues with me and still thinks im 10,
which she didn’t have until that day, so for the 3
weeks she treated me like a 10 year old, and we didn’t
get along, and she had no ambition to even work
because she knew her job was waiting for her when she
got back.  And she couldn’t wait to get back.

This made me sad, all that work for nothing.  And last
night I told her how I felt again, very supportively
and she emailed me that she cried so much.  She knew
what my oppinions are but she gets so brainwashed all
she can think about is who she met this week who is
SOOO famous and how nice they are and how popular
Grandmaster is.

I just wanted to share with you some of the things
that have happened.  It makes me said, my mom is sooo
brainwashed, i don’t even know her anymore.

anyway
i love you guys and hope that someday my mom can get
out on her own.

Please keep these things confidential from her for
now.  The way grandmaster is, my mom will think I am
conspiring against Grandmaster.  She thinks Stan Durst
did that, when he was just trying to help his kid get
out.
love
jacob

thx

It’s been a light week due to my schedule. However I wanted to let anyone following the blog directly, we have a lot of commenting over on our facebook page which can be found on the right side of this page, or at http://www.facebook.com/cultmember

We have over 150 daily unique viewers. So, it;s going strong. There is clearly a lot of people interested in this group, and I wanted to thank you for listening. It is therapeutic for me. We may have another contributor coming in the near future! Please checkout the comments on our facebook.

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